The first thing that you have to remind yourself of is that this might not necessarily have anything to do with you. Keep in mind that if you just have a casual relationship with this man, he might have other things to concern himself with.
When it comes to dating, texting can be your best friend, or your worse enemy.
It can be exciting texting with someone you are really into, especially if the conversation is flowing, and you feel like it is bringing you closer together.
But to expect a text that never comes can be a legit nightmare. Especially after sleeping together.
That is true whether this is a guy you’ve:
- had a one-night stand with
- dated a few times
- or had a relationship with
When he does not send you anything on his own, you get the feeling that everything is very one-sided. And that of course, is very tough to deal with.
Although you will be reading the most common reasons why men do not reply or text you first, it’s still a bad idea to try and read his mind and what he’s thinking.
When you do not have enough information to really know what he is up to… Imagining and picturing different scenarios in your head will only make it worse. And you are still not going to be sure of what he is thinking.
So, keep in mind that worrying about this is completely pointless, and just a waste of your energy.
So, with that in mind, here are the 41 most common reasons why men suddenly ignore you.
1. Guys back off when they are not serious
When you have been with a guy for several weeks and things start getting hot, as a woman, you will start wondering where this relationship is going. You will start trying to make your intentions clear. Perhaps when you hook up with guys, they are into you, but not enough to stick around for long. They are there to have fun. It is a cruel thing to do, but that is guys’ nature. If you start mentioning your intentions, you scare them off. It is funny how guys take the cowardly way out. They do not know how to tell you since they feel bad. Therefore, they take the shortcut out and stop texting you back. Do not wallow in self-pity because all guys tend to disappear on you. It is hard to admit when a guy is not serious about you, especially when you really like him. Usually, you will feel it in your gut, but you will avoid facing it. When you are hopeful about things it is just easier to make excuses for his behaviour and focus on any shred of evidence that he likes you enough to take it to the next level.
2. Guys stop texting when you get ahead of yourself
Are you the type of a person who gets enthusiastic about a relationship? If you have gone on only two or three dates and you're already planning to bring personal things into his house or you have already called your parents to introduce him as your fiancé, it is a complete turn-off. Most guys want to take things slow; they prefer to take their time to know their partner better. If you become too pushy, most guys will tend to back off slowly and they will stop texting you often. When they do, they become vague. Eventually, they will stop texting you and there is nothing you can do about it. If you can help it, stop getting ahead of yourself and enjoy the blissful moments when you can.
3. You Are Too Available
Guys like chasing women; that is their nature. If you become too available for him, he will get bored easily. Guys are weirdly drawn to women who are unavailable. When a guy is texting you and you respond after 30 minutes or so, this will hook any guy to you. When you become too available, it means you are waiting by your phone for his text messages. When you are busy with your life and a new guy comes along, do not make him the centre of your universe. He was attracted to you in the first place because you are an interesting person with a complex, varied life. Guys get bored easily, and at times you might have no idea what has triggered his boredom. When you see that the guy that you've been dating for a few days or weeks has stopped texting you, do not be surprised because it might be you are too available for him, and the thrill of knowing you is over.
4. You Talk Too Much
Women love to talk; that is what makes them special. However, when it comes to a first and a second date, you should minimize your words and enjoy the date. When you spill all the beans at once on your first date, rest assured any guy will stop texting you. Most guys talk less, therefore, they need you to keep the conversation going. Engage in a way you do not give out too much about yourself. If you can, let him do the talking. If you have been dating a guy for a few days, then the texting stops, it might be that you are giving out way too much information on the phone, or you are texting him too often. No man wants to either read a novel about you in the text or receive a thousand texts in a second. He will probably forget what he has read after reading a few lines of the message. You cannot blame the guy for quitting on you. Avoid texting too much, even though we live in a world where text messages are often used.
5. You Are a Target
Some guys have low self-esteem, and the only way to feel better about themselves is to get a girl who plays hard to get. This guy is there to take you for a ride. He is not interested in you at all, but he will keep up with the romance until he gets what he wanted out of you. This is cruel, but it is true. When a man's ego is down, having sex with a hot girl will make him feel better about himself. He will text you as much as you crave until he gets what he wants, then the texting will stop abruptly. Be careful of such men; you are a means to an end to them. They boost their ego when they get sex from you, and then they leave without a goodbye. If you have encountered such a man, do not be surprised as to why he stopped texting you. They are always looking out for the next target even if they are with someone. You are better off without these guys. If he stops texting you, do not worry about it.
6. Guys stop texting when they fear commitment
You have been enjoying the dates, and the sex is good. Things are working out for you. However, when you start asking about the relationship, the guy becomes vague. He dodges any emotional texts from you, and he avoids answering any relationship-related questions that you ask. You should stop the relationship immediately before you get attached more. If you do not, this man will eventually stop texting you. You do not want to get involved with a man who is there to have fun. Unfortunately, such men are very romantic and fun to be with. However, they will never make good husbands or fathers. They will vanish when things get bumpy in the relationship. They have no decency or pity, and their way of saying goodbye to you is to stop texting you. Do not wallow in self-pity. You are terrific, and it is his loss.
7. You are too good for him
Sometimes guys get intimidated by a woman who is out of their league. This is fine, but it shows that he is not a confident man. No woman should be around a man who suffers from low self-esteem. You might have more money than he does; perhaps you come from a rich background, and that is why his self-esteem is suffering. The guy can have deeper issues as well. Therefore, you should not stick around to find out. If you continue to hold onto such a man, do not be surprised when one day he stops texting you. He will vanish from the face of the earth just to avoid you. Such men can be controlling or abusive in a relationship. If he stops texting you, do not stress yourself out or try locating him. You are better off without such a man.
8. He has a girlfriend/wife that he did not tell you about
We live in a world full of wonder and mischief. Some men would hook up with a woman and not say they are married or in the relationship. You will think you have found the perfect man since he is well groomed, he knows his moves, he makes you smile, and he gets you well. Such men may live a double life. Most of them always conduct business far away. Therefore, they will require traveling every so often. These men are romantic, charming, and lovable. Things will go well for a few days or so until he disappears on you and stops texting back. Upside of this is you do not get to waste a lot of time with a person who does not appreciate you. Do not over-analyse the situation by talking to your close friends and trying to come up with a remedy. Move on from the situation before you end up spending a lot of time worrying about nothing. If you keep on texting a guy who has bailed on you, it will not help solve the situation. With these few pointers, you now know there is nothing wrong with you. Whether the guy is texting you vaguely or not, move on, it is his loss.
9. “Is not you” he says
First thing you must realise is that it really is not you. Of course, it is not. You cannot have one sexual encounter with a man and then have him decide that it is not worth it afterwards. That is just not the way real relationships work. So, when he is telling you it’s him, it really IS him. He is basically used deceptive tactics to whittle down your defences so that he can add another notch to his bedpost in his lifelong sexual conquest. If it makes you feel any better, then men like this will either die alone, or they generally spend their life never experiencing fulfilment — that’s not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with, right? In a way you are sort of lucky that he stopped contacting me after we slept together.
10. He thought it was a mutual understanding
One-night stands are quite common. Looking at it from the male point of view, it is often the once off act of intercourse the man wants, with someone anonymous or know for a short time. They do not take it seriously; they think of it as a quick thing. Having one night fun in man eyes is a both side agreement, unless something else was agreed.
11. It was the worst sex of his life
Sex is a wonderful, glorious, and necessary component of an intimate relationship. It makes you feel good, it makes the other person (or people) feel good, it is great for your health and it is a great way to end, or start, the day.
Bad shags happen all the time and they can be some of most scarring moments of your life. They stay with you forever. But do not feel bad about it! We all make mistakes and at least you got a good story out of it. At best, bad sex is a bit gross but still passable. At worst it will make you re-evaluate your whole life or get more experience in this department. The important thing to remember is to not let bad sex discourage you in future. Embrace the bad sex. You will get it right the next time.
12. He was bored and you were available
This is the kind of sex where you have nothing in common, but you’re bored and have nothing better to do. Your heart isn’t in it 100 per cent, you don’t know each other’s bodies well enough, you don’t know each other well enough to communicate efficiently, and it feels like your genitals are in two different time zones.
13. The chemical factor
I hate to fall back on biology and perpetuate clichés about the differences between men and women, but when it comes to the way we behave after sex, there’s no avoiding it: we’re slaves to our hormones.
After women have any kind of orgasm, we release oxytocin, which is sometimes called the love hormone or the bonding hormone. This makes us want to do things like cuddle, spill our deepest secrets, and have lots of babies.
Men, on the other hand, experience a drop in testosterone after sex, which makes them feel like pulling away. That is why they often fall asleep right after sex, answering your deep dark confessions with a snore. Having performed his manly duty, he loses interest for a while, until his testosterone levels have a chance to rebuild.
This chemical imbalance kind of sucks, but once you are aware of it, it’s less likely to hurt your feelings.
14. Sometimes no news is good news
If he has not texted you, you can assume that he is exactly where he was when you last talked. If he was kissing you or telling you how amazing you are, that is probably what he is still thinking. Guys are simple in many ways. Just accept that his behaviour around you the last time you were together is probably where he still is emotionally, no matter how many transformations your emotions have gone through since then. Men just are not as complicated.
15. He might just be processing
Seriously, maybe his night with you or the time you spent together was so mind-blowing that he needs to take a second to take it all in. He might have to get a little introspective, figure out WTF happened to him. The most important thing is to not underestimate yourself. You are hot and you made an impression. You can trust that for a little while and wait for him to reach out when he is ready.
16. He is reached the point where he feels comfortable leaving some space
Some of us want 24/7 communication. Like, constant interaction. Like, here is what I had for breakfast and this is how I brush my hair and by the way I think I am in love with you, etc. But some people show their level of comfort with a person by not being talkative all the time. If he is naturally a reserved person, it’s actually quite a compliment that he feels comfortable enough with your relationship to let talking fall away for a little while.
17. He is playing games but only because he really likes you
As much as the cliché goes that women are the ones who like being pursued, there are plenty of men who like a little chasing as well. This is not to say that you should be expected to chase after him, it is just a reminder that some men do not fit all the stereotypes we have of them. He might be playing hard to get, which might be what you are doing. At some point, one of you will have to put you both out of your misery.
18. He is playing it cool
It is quite possible that he was so impressed by you that he is a little nervous about reaching out. You are just cool, and he cannot quite believe you are into him, so he has to pretend he’s not all that interested so he won’t come across as over eager. Guys get nervous about how they are perceived too, especially when it comes to a girl they are really into.
19. He is gotten bad advice
Friends are the most important people in your life, but sometimes they give…not so helpful advice. If he still hasn’t texted you after a few days, it’s quite possible that one of his friends told him that all women like to play hard to get and that he shouldn’t fall for it by texting you. For all you know, his friends have confiscated his phone because he has been so desperate to text you.
20. He is doing exactly what you are doing
Yep. He could absolutely be sitting at home right now staring at his phone, sending out some telepathic communication to get you to text him. Guys do this too. We all have our pride and our insecurity. Also, it is totally OK to be the one who reaches out first. Girls with initiative are hot and usually get their way.
21. He might just be busy
This does happen sometimes and can actually be a very legitimate excuse. If you are not in a serious relationship, don’t expect to be his number one priority. No matter how crazy about you he is, he might just have a busy job and be terrible at texting. If this continues to happen though, it is time to put your foot down. At a certain point, he is not busy, he just doesn’t respect you enough. So, play it by ear.
22. He thinks he screwed it up and lost his chance
You know how you tend to go over everything you said on a date and find every tiny problem with it? Well, guys do this too sometimes, and it is quite possible he thinks he made some huge, irrevocable mistake during your date from which he can’t recover. So maybe you should reach out. You never know what is going on in someone’s head until you ask.
23. He`ll only talks to you when he feels like it Everything is on his terms when it comes to texting, calling, and making plans with you. The only thing he is thinking about is his life motto: Me, Myself, and I. One minute he wants to hang and bang, and the next he acts like he does not even know you. You are only an extension of his schedule — and better yet, his ego. When he needs a boost, he knows exactly where to turn: you.
24. He only thinks about sex and satisfying his needs
When it comes to the two of you, there is nothing more than sexual chemistry.
He sends you sexy snaps only, so you’ll validate him, and send him some back for his own sexual desires. You are nothing more than his toy.
And when he is not getting off on you, there is probably several others giving him the same gratification. He could be classified under the term narcissist. Be careful if you don’t want to get hurt.
25. He is legit bad at texting
It seems odd that, these days, anyone would be bad at texting, but it happens. I have personally met a few people who hate texting. People who will look at a text and think, “I’ll get back to them later,” and legit forget to type a response — until they receive a follow-up text. That does not make them evil, although, by today’s standards, it does make them a bit rude.
Some people are capable of turning off their phones or ignoring them for hours as they concentrate and get work done. Amazing, right? I think so. Consequently, texts may go unanswered for hours, or even a day or two.
26. He is self-absorbed and emotionally unavailable
Now, there is bad at texting, and there is self-absorbed and emotionally unavailable. Learn the difference. If he is bad at texting, he might take some time to reach out, but he eventually will. If he’s self-absorbed and emotionally unavailable, he won’t bother to show you he’s interested because you’ve been stroking his ego by showing you’re interested, and as long as his ego is happy, he doesn’t care about how you feel. Feels good to him that you are pursuing, and that is more than enough.
You will be better off once you understand that.
27. He is avoidantly attached
Although you cannot take a person’s history as a bad texter by itself as conclusive proof that they are avoidantly attached, it can be a sign.
As an avoidant, he will not text you every day. He will hardly ever text you first, unless to maintain the appearance that you’re still together somehow, to keep you hooked on the possibility that now, this time, things are about to get serious.
If your guy can easily go a week or longer without talking to you, and if you two only ever talk when you reach out to him first, that is not a good sign. It’s a behaviour that conveys many messages, not mutually exclusive: he doesn’t really miss you when you’re not around, he’s emotionally unavailable, he’s avoidantly attached, or he’s not afraid that someone else might swoop in and “take you” when he’s not looking.
28. He is just not that into you
Sometimes, it takes a date or two or a few to get a read on somebody, and when a guy or girl decides early-ish on that they are just not that into you, they might disappear. His line of thinking might be that he does not owe you an explanation since you had not been messing with each other’s feelings for long enough to really warrant one. Or it could be that she does not think she can give you what you are looking for (read: a long-term relationship.). The truth is, when a man likes you, he will let you know. It can be a difficult truth to accept. We often choose to believe that someone is just busy or naturally ‘bad’ at texting, which is why they are ignoring us. But do you really want to be with someone who puts contacting you at the bottom of his to-do list? Everyone has bad days but, in the early days of a relationship, there is no reason why he should be ignoring you. And if he is, then he is either still playing games and not ready for a long-lasting relationship or just not that into you.
And if he does not really like you that much, let him go.
29. Playing hard to get
If you are in the early stages of dating and he is ignoring you, he might be playing hard to get. It is all about power. He wants you to experience that uncertain, panicked response so that you will be more receptive to him when he does reply. It will be a relief when he does, and that relief could affect your decision making and make you feel more invested in the relationship than you really are. If this feels familiar, remember that game-playing and manipulative behaviour is not acceptable at any stage of a relationship. Trust that if someone really likes you, they will not play games. After all, why would anyone who likes you want you to feel panicked and uncertain?
30. He is busy
It may sound like an excuse but, if he is ignoring you, he could just be busy. Consider the context. Are you texting in the middle of a busy workday? Do you know he is heading to the gym straight after work and won’t be able to answer your call? Nobody should be contactable all the time. It is virtually impossible to properly focus on what you are doing if you’re on the phone at the same time. If this causes tension in your relationship, set expectations early on. If your partner works long-hours, agree never to leave a message unanswered for more than 24 hours. That way, you will be better able to judge whether he is ignoring you intentionally or life has got in the way.
31. He needs some space
Even the closest couples need space sometimes. He might not be used to constant contact or is having a stressful day that he’s rather deals with himself than take out on you. The amount of space someone needs in a relationship depends on the person. It might even vary depending on what else is going on in their lives. Try to determine what kind of man you are dating. Are they an introvert who needs plenty of alone time to recharge? Or an extrovert who is rarely alone? Once you have established this, you’ll be better placed to judge whether they’re really ignoring you or just taking space.
32. He is trying to break up with you
We would always advocate breaking up with someone face-to-face, but the reality is that some people would rather fade out of a relationship than end it properly. If you feel him pulling away and making excuses not to see you, then he is using ignoring you as a break-up method. He is hoping that you will eventually get fed up of being ignored and end the relationship yourself. Or you will just stop trying and the relationship will fizzle out without any kind of confrontation. It is one of the worst ways to break-up with someone but, at least you can take comfort in the fact that you’re free to find someone who would never ignore you instead.
33. He is dating other girls
It is a hard pill to swallow, but the person who ghosted you might have been seeing other people at the same time they were seeing you. And when things started getting serious—they sensed that you wanted commitment or there was a reoccurring fight about meeting each other's friends—they fell back and moved onto the next person. Harsh, but also unfortunately true.
34. He is going through something personal
This one is an occasionally justifiable reason for ghosting someone and one that I think you can bounce back from. Let us say you just started talking to someone and their close friend dies, and they do not know how to unload all of this on someone new. That situation could warrant a second chance. There just needs to be, solid proof that they have done the work, or that they put in the time to actually change and work through whatever the issue was. And you would need to actually forgive them. Otherwise, you will end up getting back together, and every time you are in a fight, the ghosting will come up again. And nobody will like that.
35. He does not want to get too attached
Maybe the person you are seeing moved around a lot as a kid or grew up in a chaotic family environment where people were always moving in and out of their life. I often see these early adolescent experiences play out in current relationships. They learned very early on that people, places, and things weren't stable. And as a safety mechanism, they try not to get too emotionally attached to any one person, place, or thing.
36. The Friends-With-Benefits Trap
The Friends-With-Benefits Trap happens when you are having sex (or some sexual activity) with a guy, and although you want him to be your boyfriend he never wants to commit.
He calls you up like you’re his girlfriend sometimes, but he only wants to meet when it’s convenient for him. He never wants a proper date and every time you bring up any relationship conversation, he reminds you he’s “just having fun”.
Now in this case the guy clearly has sexual chemistry with you. But somewhere your relationship is lacking in either connection or respect.
37. He found a supposedly better deal
The multiplicity of false choice means that someone you seemingly get along with could just go off with somebody (or somebodies) else on short notice. Your awareness of the existence of such choice also makes you reluctant to invest too much, dooming the whole process from the start. Not much you can do to prevent that these days, except to
a) select for people who share your relationship goals and are willing to invest some time to get to know you and
b) refrain from embroiling yourself in digital dating so at least one of you remains interested in the courtship process.
38. You were dealing with a professional player
There is a certain class of men who are chiefly interested in RELDs — relationships of extremely limited duration. Their entire lives are run by this program that is trying to maximize the number of women they have sex with, and said program has no OFF button. If you meet him in Belize on a 3-day weekend you have specifically set aside for a fling, then fine — have fun with it. But if you are looking for any kind of meaningful relationship, you must avoid him because he and his like-minded brethren will diminish the quality of your life in the long run.
Some players are looking for the quick and easy score. This means that if you require any amount of courtship, he will lose interest and move on to less effort-intensive targets. Some players (e.g. Giovanni Giacomo Casanova) are motivated by the thrill of conquest, pursuing persistently until they get their trophy. Although this can be quite the ego boost, the problem is that both types of players routinely neglect that there is a person attached to the body they are trying to possess. They are treating you to an end, not an end in yourself. This is not a formula for making you happy. If he disappears, consider yourself lucky.
39. He simply does not like you that much
Look. Men are a little mean sometimes. If you are dating a man, and he no longer sends you messages on his own… Then there is already a chance your relationship is over.
Guys are not very friendly in that regard. Not that there is much we can do about it, as they would not recognize “kindness,” even if it would hit them straight in the face.
Men are just less empathetic than women. And as a result, they do not always understand the consequences of their actions. And they often do not know what to do in social situations.
For instance, when they do not like a woman that much, and do not feel like seeing her anymore.
If a man does not like you or feels that he is done with you, he will just stop texting you. It’s unkind and ice-cold, but that’s how rude men are.
40. He has met someone else
Suppose you just started dating a nice guy. He is handsome, strong, and intelligent.
You 1. He regrets sleeping with you’ve been on a few romantic dates together and texting each other every day. All in all, you slowly became more and more attached to him. Then suddenly, he stops texting you first, or worse, he does not reply to your messages at all. And you can feel that something has changed.
41. He prioritizes looks over personality Now you know there are multiple reasons why men stop texting you back or even ignore you. Some of them are warning signals. He might be dating other women. He might just not be interested. But I hope that is not the case for you. And I hope the reason he does not text you back as often as you would like, is that he just does not quite get how important it is for you. Now, do not get me wrong. It is a generally accepted truth that people who are conventionally physically attractive have an advantage when it comes to dating.
Here really can be no underestimating the power of a first impression. Getting off on the wrong foot with somebody can affect how somebody will see you for years to come. Therefore, you want to make as strong and as positive a first impression on somebody as possible. Therefore, to start with, you want to dress well. Clothes do make the man after all; wearing flattering, well-fitting clothes goes a very long way to creating a positive impression of you. It tells other people that you put the effort in to take care of yourself and that you have confidence.
My goal with this website, is to help you with advice and strategies to get a relationship with a guy who ‘understands’ this.
I teach you:
- How to avoid players and narcissists
- How to find and get a relationship with your Mr. Right
- How to understand him and help him understand you
If this is something you would like, I suggest you contact me through my website.